Eat A Cranberry Day/Turkey Leftovers Day/Buy Nothing Day/You're Welcome Day/Black Friday/Jukebox Day/National Flossing Day/Birthday Of The King Of Horror
2007-11-23 @ 6:09 p.m.

I was telling Shirley that I don't feel upset anymore about my guard duty. I've accepted that I have to do it, even though the justification is so flimsy that I have difficulty reconciling myself to it. However, I've simultaneously reached a point where I just don't care. Pure apathy. Oh, certainly, there's rage and resentment bubbling somewhere subconsciously, but it's sort of generalised and directed against the whole institution of conscripted service. If I'm careless, I'll snap at someone over the course of the next 36 hours, but I'm actually very good at concealing what I feel and think. Have to do my CSM what I consider to be a favour next Friday, but at least it'll be in air-conditioned comfort, albeit surrounded by a large bunch of officers for whom my existence probably doesn't register. I think the past two years have been good for me, in the sense that it's taught me what it's like to be regarded as an insignificant nobody, which has in turn fueled a desire to ascend to a level where I'm the one in a position to forget the existence of others. I won't ever allow myself to forget though. You might argue that there's a danger of swinging to the opposite extreme, of abusing that power. I really doubt it'll happen for me though; I've been through enough to ensure that. Now all I ask is for the next 36 hours to pass in peace, and hopefully, there'll be a huge thunderstorm. We're long overdue for a good torrential downpour anyway, so it might as well come during my guard duty...