Lemonade Day/Zoroastrian New Year
2005-08-20 @ 11:57 p.m.

Really glad that I went to tonight's event at St James Church, which for me has always represented one of those fascinating alternative lives I could have led. You know, a branch of the tree of probability that got pruned when my parents switched churches. The worship rocked! Felt that the message was what I've been waiting to hear from God for a while, the whole thing about how we all carry a void around with us inside, and we try to fill that void with the world, but it never quite works out. This is where I run into a problem. On a purely intellectual level, I can understand why God is enough to fill that void. Yet simultaneously, I wonder if it's enough for any human being, fallible and frail creatures that we are. If I cannot love my brother whom I can see, how can I love God whom I cannot see? By the same token, isn't it only natural to want something more than God, to search for the love of another person that is tangible in its manifestation. Not that God's love cannot be tangibly manifested by the actions of other people, in fact it should happen that way ideally, but it's not quite the same thing as having someone love you, is it? I've fallen out of love with the idea of being in love. Now I just want to be comfortable and contented. Does that make sense?