Go Commando Day/Cabin Fever Day/Kuan Yin's Birthday (China)
2004-03-10 @ 7:55 p.m.

Guess what time I slept last night? Past 2.30 am. Guess what time I'm going to sleep tonight? Probably right after dinner, which would be around 8.30 pm. I'll wake up after about an hour, my mum will tell me to just go and sleep, and I'll heed her sound advice for once. Two essays and two presentations done, just the GP essay left. I'm quite embarassed about my practical criticism essay being photocopied for everyone. Aside from the fact that now there's pressure to deliver, I'm mortified that 50+ people are going to be reading it. Hearing it read out in class while I was there was bad enough. Part of me wants to screw up my History essays, so that I don't look so wonderful and more brilliant than I really am. Part of me feels the need to do well, to prove to myself that I'm as good as everyone tells me I am. I refuse to believe them. I'm not being modest. I don't think I'm brilliant, just a little cleverer than the average. I'm a slacker at heart! I can't help but be vaguely suspicious when people praise me. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I wonder how their praise, genuine though it is, can be completely untainted by, if not envy, at least jealousy. I'm very cynical of late. Better to be cynical, than to live in an ivory tower that will get demolished one day, thinking everyone's nice and good. My dad thinks I'm naive sometimes. I think so too...